Bob Novak Could Sting, But He Was Really A Honey

"Beneath the surface, Novak was a sweetie.." Bernadette Malone, former Novak reporter; Senior Editor, Penguin

"There was nothing more fun after a long day than to sit down with Bob Novak and argue about capital-gains taxes, the Fed, the Contras or [any other] topic. But nobody ever doubted that we liked each other and that there was a part of us that would stand off in a corner saying, 'You can't take this too seriously.' " Democratic strategist Bob Shrum

"[O]nce you talked to Novak, you liked him.." Greg Gutfeld, Fox News

Liberals, moderates, even some conservatives have a right to dislike Robert Novak. Pundits everywhere have cataloged his "evilness" with great relish -- never more than in recent pseudo-eulogies and obituaries.

Well, why not? Novak gave them a giant target. He also gave them a solid example of a determined, dedicated Reporter. Even his enemies grant he was a professional political analyst par excellence.

There was another side of Bob Novak. A lighter side. Generous, funny, kind, thoughtful. And more. Not in public of course. Behind the scenes, among friends. It's true. I was there to see some of it for myself.

So, I am not here to defend Robert Novak's public politics, allegiances or deeds. My modest but determined goal is to assert that for those who knew the private man, especially in the years before his dark public persona had solidified, calcified, virtually taken over -- there was quite a lot about Bob Novak to like.

Yes, really.

I'm not speaking about or for his family. I don't know them and I imagine they're having a tough enough time dealing with his death and the public glee expressed by so many. I do know he wasn't an easy family man, so I also imagine they'll have a tough time making peace with it all.

I'm referring to Novak's other family. Not in a legal sense. Not other children. A privileged family of friends. An enduring love. Nothing "official" or even widely known.

Way back in the dark ages of the 1970's some things weren't acknowledged or discussed. The things some of us lived.

It seems like yesterday that I was such a young pup. First a student, then an intern, a low level 'operative." Eager for knowledge and to be all grown up inside the political universe of Washington, DC.

I ran in circles that included some pretty big names in journalism and politics. Some became my friends. Some my mentors. A few lovers. Many provided great stories.

My closest friend and mentor was Johnny Apple, aka R. W. Apple, Jr. of the New York Times. When he died in 2006, he took a big chunk of my early professional and personal years with him. And some of those great stories too. Read my Personal Notes on a Professional Journalist when you can.

Another whose path I crossed gave me one of my all time best stories: Dousing Dan Rather. (This one's especially dedicated to my Texas friends).

It's a different world now, but back then, politics and journalism were strange bedfellows, in both senses of the word. We all worked together, played together, helped --and used-- each other, loved and laughed and learned and betrayed and protected one another.

Life was a little more black and white on the outside and a lot greyer on the inside. Hard working, hard drinking, hard living people created and reported the news. Relationships were intense but friable. Entertaining, free-spirited, at times well-choreographed, often wildly chaotic and doomed.

There were very few constants. Oddly, Bob Novak was one. A grown-up, a power-broker, a potential king maker or breaker. A man who know exactly who he was, what he wanted and how to get it.

And no matter how high he flew (and he did, um, fly), his feet stayed on the ground. He seemed almost a father figure to the younger among us, me included.

He was so proper, edging toward pompous, it was beyond fun to watch him let loose, make indecently funny jokes, double over with laughter, become The Enforcer trying to quiet our riotous behavior.

Even when serious, if you knew where to look you could still see that private twinkle in his eye. Often pointed in one specific direction.

From the 70's through to the present, Bob Novak was friend, mentor and more to one of my oldest, dearest friends. For her loss, I grieve. He was her treasured LH (initials of her private nickname for him), known only by a few intimates. No, I won't tell you what LH stands for, you'd never believe me anyway.

There are a lot of things I'll never tell. But it doesn't matter now to say that Bob Novak had a very special relationship with a small group of insiders and with one very special woman.

You're shocked? Doubtful. You don't care? Fine. Enough of us do. We know there are no absolutes in people or relationships. Everybody's got secrets. Regrets. Imperfections large and small.

Everybody's got some good inside too. And true light. Just because you've never seen it doesn't mean it wasn't there. For some of us, that light's gone out. Though not darkness, but sweetness remains. And we'll always have P Street.

Sex and the City Countdown

Craig Blankenhorn/New Line Cinema

"After years of living in the city, I always assumed that if my friends and I ever got our fairy tale endings, that would be the end of the story." Carrie Bradshaw

They're ba-aack. Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte. They've started to tease us and I have to admit it's working. I'm psyched. Pumped. Practically panting with eagerness to see the movie version of HBO's boffo chick hit Sex and the City.

Admit it, if you're a Baby Boomer or younger, you were hooked on the show too. You can tell me in a flash if you're a Carrie, a Miranda or a Charlotte. (Few admit to being a Samantha, though 'fess up, girls, there's a little of her in all of us).

Yes it was a chick show. The fashion, the sophistication, the fashion, the rich and famous, the fashion, the hot men, the hot spots and high life all had appeal. But that was surface stuff. Whipped Cream. Window dressing. Really.

Some few New York fashionistas will claim haute couture was a separate character in Sex and the City. Maybe it was. But in the end, as shallow a figure as those who crave its expensive, empty rewards.

Most women viewers of the show, no matter their age, will tell you we related mainly to women -- and their relationships. The tight friendships. The interactive support, counsel and love only women instinctively know how to supply.

We lived inside those girls, felt their joy and pain. Understood their angst, anger, aggravation and attitudes about men. About each other. Careers. Sex. Marriage. Children. Other People. Lifestyles. The Future.

No matter what they wore--even $800 shoes--or how extravagantly they lived, at heart, they were Us. Their experiences, dates, lovers, hopes, dreams, foibles, failures, ups and downs--and their romances, especially their romances--were ours too.

We've all been breathless with love, learned that it makes us high, low, happy, helpless, hopeless and strong. We've most of us found that successful relationships come with strings. Conditions. Compromise.

Our Sex and the City counterparts learned about love the hard way too.

Sappy, WASPy Charlotte found her dream man in a bald, chubby nice Jewish guy. Ms. tough cookie, claw's-bared Miranda learned to relax into a bartender's arms. Even savvy, swinging Samantha seemed ready to dial it back for the younger but wiser Smith.

And Carrie the Everywoman got her--no, Our--Mr. Big. The happy ending we wanted--no, Needed--her to achieve. Cinderella and the Prince. A fantasy? Yes. But some solid reality and lots of entertaining fun.

The New York Times is busy examining the marketing and product placement aspects of the movie. Most of us don't care. And won't be buying a Mercedes or some Manolos after viewing the film.

We'll be too busy dishing about what we saw and what's going to happen to our friends next.

Remembering Those Lost In 2007

"Pale death knocks with impartial foot at poor men's hovels and king's palaces." Horace

I was lucky this year. I didn't suffer many personal losses. Some of my friends and family did. The world of arts and letters did. Sports too. And our country did. Too many mothers and fathers, sisters and brothers, children and spouses lost loved ones to violence in 2007.

Yes, I'm talking about the war in Iraq. And Afghanistan. Hate-based murders and suicides in the Middle East.

But I'm also appalled at the number of violent deaths right here in my own hometown. The killing sprees escalating around the country.

I've banged the same drum about that violence in Philly and Omaha and Virginia Tech -- WE NEED GUN CONTROL.

Now that I have that--temporarily--out of my system, here's my short list of loss in 2007... from the ridiculous to the sublime, from those I only met to those who significantly touched my life.

My husband's aunt, one of the purest souls I've ever known: Everybody's Aunt Rebecca.

A seminal mentor from my early professional years: Mal Johnson - Boss and Friend.

Another boss who was also a colleague and friend to the end: Dick Doran - Really RAD and Dick Doran - A Fitting Farewell.

The wonderful father of my wonderful friend: Suzie's Dad - A Righteous Man.

An opera star with brass and class: Betsy and Bubbles, Take 2.

True media lights: Bergman, Antonioni, Kurt Vonnegut, Merv Griffin and My Tom Snyder Quote.

Last but not least, some horses asses and an actual horse:

Anna Nicole - Legacy of Lunacy

Tammy Faye, Merv, Brooke - Who's Next?

Barbaro - Horse, NOT Human

There were many more deaths this year, of course, and we'll see them endlessly looping through TV, newspapers, magazines and online specials as 2007 becomes 2008.

But these are the ones who touched me ... or raised my hackles. I send sincere condolences and prayers to those left behind to grieve their deaths, no matter how ridiculous or sublime they were in life.

Beauty and the Beast

"It's good to know that if I behave strangely enough, society will take full responsibility for me." Ashleigh Brilliant

If you want an example of the decline of responsibility in American culture, look no farther than Philly. Especially this week. From the ridiculous to the tragic, we've got your yin and yang news right here.

Two illegal acts, two arrests. One a tabloid dream. The other a family's worst nightmare.

Local CBS TV anchor-babe Alycia Lane was arrested in New York for assaulting a police officer during an argument between Lane's well-lubricated companions and three plain clothes cops.

Lane attacked the cops with her iPhone and some nasty words, "I don't give a f- who you are. I am a reporter you f-ing dyke."

If Alycia Lane is a reporter, I'm the Easter Bunny.

And if Djuan Boyd is a good father, I'm Santa Claus.

Mr. Boyd, a convicted gun felon and drug dealer took his son Dyshon to his grandmother's house. While the adults were downstairs watching TV, 4-year-old Dyshon found a gun in his father's coat pocket.

You know what's coming.

Little Dyshon Boyd will never become a 5-year-old. He accidentally shot himself in the neck with his father's gun. He's dead.

Djuan Boyd is now charged with involuntary manslaughter, illegal gun possession and endangering the welfare of a child.

He should be charged with murder. There was nothing "involuntary" in his negligence. He didn't "endanger the welfare" of his child. He killed that boy as surely as if he'd pulled the trigger himself.

And all you gun nuts can just shut up. You have a kid, you shouldn't have a gun. If you do have a gun, you sure as hell don't leave it lying around the house in your coat pocket. In the same room where your 4-year-old son is playing.

The man is a Beast. Inside and out.

Alycia Lane is only a Beauty on the outside. While she didn't kill anything more than some viewers' expectations and possibly her own on-air future, she showed us her inner beast.

Her behavior was stupid and ugly. Djuan Boyd's was truly heinous. In the end, they're two peas in a pod. Both too selfish, self-indulgent and self-important to care about right and wrong. Both filled with a sense of entitlement that is just plain outrageous.

Alycia Lane may pay for it with her job. Djuan Boyd's young son already paid with his life.

Fox Plowed Sally Field

LiveLeak.com - Sally Fields UNCENSORED Speech

"And let's face it, if mothers ruled the world there would be no g-ddamn wars in the first place." Sally Field

Fox TV should be ashamed of what they did to Sally Field--and all Americans--Emmy night. But they're probably still congratulating themselves on striking another blow for the self-appointed freedom censors of the Conservative Right.

The first buzz was that Fields got the hook for using the F-word. Which, really, late at night on a show few were even watching on a network that regularly uses the N-word and other vulgarities is hardly the crime of the century.

And guess what? Turns out she only took the Lord's name in vain. Like nobody at Fox ever says g-ddamn. Puhlease. That wasn't it.

In Fox's world, Field's crime was taking the War in Iraq's name in vain. The Right Wing political agenda's name in vain. The policies of the Bush administration's name in vain.

Fox sent the final words of her acceptance speech into a Soprano-like black void not because of her language. Let's be very clear: it was her politics Fox bleeped.

Liberal, anti-war, Democrat, anti-Bush are the real dirty words to the Right Wingnuts at Fox. But if any of them listened, they would have heard Sally Field patriotically dedicate her award to all mothers of all soldiers serving our country.

All those Fox conservative creeps who conspired to bring censorship to the Emmy's should have their mouths washed out with soap for taking the name of Freedom in vain.

Fred Thompson - Law and Order or Chaos?

"After two years in Washington, I often long for the realism and sincerity of Hollywood." Fred Dalton Thompson

Annnnddd ACTION! Ladies and Gentlemen, you know him, you love him as the compassionately conservative New York DA Arthur Branch of TV's "Law and Order." Now we present Fred Thompson in his next starring role: Republican Presidential Candidate.

You have to admit, Fred Thompson made his grand entrance into the Republican presidential race with pitch perfect timing and consummate media savvy.

He trumped his fellow candidates' public group appearance, first by ignoring their televised debate and then playing his entertainment insider ace ... announcing his candidacy on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno.

It's Ronnie Reagan all over again. In more ways than one. Fred's wife Jeri seems to carry as much weight with Fred as Nancy Reagan did with Ron.

But at 40, blonde hottie Jeri Thompson has been called the 65 year old Thompson's trophy wife. She may be 25 years younger but word's out she's a major force in the Fred08 game plan.


Steve Helber/Associated Press

Staffers say she's tough and impatient, one anonymously sniping, "Everything for her is at Defcon."

Think about that a minute.

We've had Barbara Bush, Nancy Reagan, Hillary Clinton and Laura Bush, each in her own way a formidable wife and partner.

Notwithstanding Bar's outspokenness, Nancy's polished sophistication, Hillary's hyper-intelligence and Laura's quiet strength, each chose to stand in her husband's considerable shadow.

Tough cookie or not, one wonders if Jeri Thompson, with her youth, her flowing blonde locks and conspicuous cleavage is really First Lady material. Is she willing to stand in Fred's shadow. Young wife, old husband -- you do the marital math.

Regardless, watch out for Fred. Don't take him lightly. And not because he's a heavyweight. No matter his policy statements, his stands on the issues, his experience or his connections, Fred Thompson is a definite contender.

You know why.

The American public has shown itself to be so overwhelmingly enamored of Celebrity it is dangerously unable to separate fact from fiction, nitwits from newsmakers (though sometimes they are the same) and more important, serious real life situations from insipid soap operas.

So who will they decide to support? One of same tired pols from the GOP pack or that bastion of strength and defender of freedom, that safe, confident winner ... Arthur Branch?

You know who.

And God help us all if this pro-life, pro-gun, pro-tobacco, pro-war, Right Wing good ole boy has a chance to be a real politician just because he plays one on TV.

Miss South Carolina: Looks 10, Brains 3

"...Because some people out there in our nation don't have maps and..." Lauren Caitlin Upton, Miss Teen South Carolina

Well. Okay. She's a teenager. She got nervous. Overwhelmed. Began free associating. Rambled aimlessly, even including Iraq and South Africa in her bizarre answer to her Interview question in the Miss Teen USA pageant.

Here's the question: Recent polls have shown that a fifth of Americans can't locate the US on a world map. Why do you think this is?

Excuse me, but that's a great big ole softball. Even for a nervous teenager. Especially for an 18-year-old honor student. Her answer could have included any number of variations on the subject of Education.

We need more teachers. We need better schools. People should stay in school. American schools should stress more geography. People spend too much time on MySpace, Facebook and chatrooms and not enough time learning things.

You can think of more answers. My 12-year-old niece can think of plenty. (That last one was hers.)

But Caitlin blanked. Made a fool of herself on national TV. Yeah, it's a shame. Yeah, she's young. But 18 is plenty old enough to know that if you enter a major beauty contest, you're taking a major risk.

Are you going to look fat in your Bathing Suit? Trip in your Evening Gown? Or flub the all important Final Interview? Door number three for Caitlin, who became the laughingstock of the Internet.

But wait! The Today Show gave Caitlin a do-over. For which she had FOUR days to prepare. A risk-free chance to redeem herself with a well thought out, fluid, articulate answer.

So here's what she said:

"Personally, my friends and I, we know exactly where the United States is on our map. I don't know anyone else who doesn't. And if the statistics are correct, I believe there should be more emphasis on geography in our education so people will learn how to read maps better."

Personally, I'm underwhelmed.

If you ask me, pageant winner Hilary Cruz had the toughest question and got the answer exactly right. When asked who she'd choose as a role model--Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan or Nicole Ritchie--she looked suitably appalled and said firmly, NONE of them. She went on to list her mother as her primary role model ... the Perfect Pageant Answer.

As for Miss South Carolina, if you're wondering, it wasn't a map that made Iraq and South Africa pop into her mind and out of her mouth -- Angelina Jolie has been traveling there.

Merv Griffin

Merv: BIOGRAPHY

"I'm a very lucky guy. My life is never boring. I treat my professional life the same way I do my personal life. And I measure success the same way – by how much fun I'm having, and by how much fun I'm creating around me." Merv Griffin

A thoroughly believable philosophy coming from Merv Griffin. And by all accounts it's exactly the way he lived. Alas, I can't say yea or nay. I had no brush with the Great Griffin.

Among the talk show legends, I managed direct brushes with Johnny Carson and Tom Snyder, plus a few brief hellos with Mike Douglas (though I haven't yet written about my mother's appearance on his show). Nor a few others which I also haven't shared. Yet.

I do have a Six Degrees connection to Griffin: my sister Judy was once a contestant on Jeopardy! and met the big fellow.

As nice as he appears, she reported. After the show's taping in which she ran a couple categories, then folded into third place, Merv consoled her, "It's not really the brain, it's all in the thumb." An inside tip: learning how to hit the button first is the real key to success.

Merv Griffin's key to success was less easy to spot. But he sure knew it when he saw it. It's abundantly clear he had fun making his mark. And he gave as good as he got.

Thanks, Merv. You brought us all a Lov-e-ly Bunch of Coconuts.

My Tom Snyder Quote

"He was very surprising and very irreverent, and not at all a typical newscaster." Marciarose Shestack

If you're like me, you probably hadn't thought about Tom Snyder in years until you heard the news of his death.

If you're a Boomer or older from Philly, you remember him very well. Tom Snyder started his TV career in our town as a noon news anchor.

If you had a brain in your head you watched The Tomorrow Show no matter where you lived.

If you're actually me, you have one small Tom Snyder story to share. It's just a quote really. But it's literally vintage Tom, circa 1970.

If you're ready, here's My Tom Snyder Story:

As a young, green press aide to a candidate for Governor of PA. I was sent, appropriately, to the Green Room at KYW to give Tom background info and set up an interview.

Tom was known to be a bit, well ...prickly... if you get my drift. He was impatient, a man on the rise, a guy with a future, places to go, people to see.

The Candidate, with a much more low key style, was of a similar mind. I'd learned how to hustle. Get in, get the job done, get out.

But that day, I didn't count on my bladder. Which is to say I was in fact in the Ladies Room, not the Green Room when Tom came in for our drive-by meeting.

He didn't like to be kept waiting. And he wasn't all that crazy about The Candidate. So he was, well, steamed.

I hurried in, apologized profusely. Not good enough. I got "the look." You've seen it. Head cocked, chin out, shoulders hunched, eyebrows raised ... the physical equivalent of Good Lord, Give Me A Break.

His eyes swept over me head to toe in a nanosecond. Then he pulled himself up to full height, looked down at me (he was very tall) and boomed my personal quote:

"Young lady, if you want to succeed in this business, take my advice. Lower your hem, raise your standards and get your watch fixed!" Tom Snyder

Hillary Soprano

"We've had some fun with our campaign song, but the truth is the stakes couldn't be higher in this election." HillaryClinton.com

The stakes are incredibly high in the upcoming election. We need a leader who's not only strong, decisive, intelligent and committed but is also in touch with reality ... with the needs, hopes, lives of actual, real people.

George W. Bush, our pro-life, anti-stem cell research, God-fearing, war-mongering disaster of a president has zero sense of humanity. He's never struggled with life or his conscience. People suffer and die by the thousands under Dubya's watch and he goes through the motions ... but doesn't have a human clue.

No matter what else, nobody can say Bill and Hillary Clinton don't have the human touch. Haven't felt our pain, lived personal lives similar to many of us. Which is especially why I applaud the Hillary Clinton campaign's send up of the Soprano's season finale.

In a clever--and telling--nod to popular culture, Hill and Bill played Tony and Carm (in that order, Maureen), mirroring the Soprano's last meal with a few Clintonesque twists.

Good for the campaign that Johnny Sack showed up to play himself. The way he looked at the Clintons tells me he must be a Republican ... and somebody got him out of the slammer.

Good for Hillary that she's not afraid to poke a little fun at herself... or Bill.

Good for Bill that he's not afraid to show us his feminine side, passively eating carrots at Hillary's command.

A message there, in case anybody missed it. Hillary's in charge now. Bill's minding his P's and Q's. There's extra irony when she agrees to "remember the good times," but that's also clear acknowledgement of Lessons Learned.

Maureen Dowd referenced an LA Times quote from a Boomer Democrat who said, "Who wants four or eight more years of the Clintons’ marital disputes, paid for by the United States, we the people? I certainly don't."

Hey, Lady, would you rather spend those years continuing to pay in lives and dollars for another iteration of George W. Bush?

What a lame reason to reject Hillary Clinton's candidacy. Especially without taking a close look at where she stands on the issues.

The War in Iraq packs a much bigger wallop than any marital skirmishes in Chappaquah.

Social Security is far more important than Bill's socializing.

Universal Health Care merits more attention than the former president's sexual history -- though let's face it, after bypass surgery he certainly appears lean and clean.

Economic growth, a balanced budget and more jobs have a far higher priority than the Clinton's personal income or what Bill's 'job' would be.

Back to the Voter's Choice Clinton campaign song by Celine Dion... eh. I don't like Dion, her music or her Vegas shtick. But that's just me.

Vegas is the Mecca of Middle America. Those are the voters George Bush has drop kicked repeatedly the past eight years. And those are the voters Hillary needs.

If you think about it, the immoral, selfish, cruel, lying, thieving, murdering thugs on the Sopranos shouldn't be played by Hill and Bill. Those roles already belong to George, Dick, Alberto and the rest of the Dubya Crime Family.

No matter who wins the next election, I can't wait to see the Bush Administration go to black.

The Paris Rights Fights

"Time quickly puts an end to artificial and accidental fame" Samuel Johnson

This ABC and NBC End Race to Interview Paris Hilton is possibly one of the dumbest "news" accounts I've ever read.

And in the New York Times of all places. About ABC and NBC news divisions of all organizations. Not Fox, not Bravo, USA, Spike. Not even, oh, I don't know, The National Enquirer.

I guess when it comes to the American public's perceived rapacious appetite for the witless wombats known as Starlets and Celebutants, even so-called Serious Journalism believes it's open season on the concept of "newsworthy."

No less a journalistic icon than Barbara Walters is apparently willing to become a Whore for Hilton. Barbara, Barbara, you've interviewed heads of state, captains of industry, even okay, no problem, giants of the entertainment industry.

But the lives of Paris Hilton (or Lindsay Lohan and their ilk) are not entertaining. They're certainly not news. Not when they get out of jail (or rehab). Not when they resume their self-indulgent, irresponsible partying ways.

These enfants terribles will only become newsworthy when eventually, inevitably they drive drunk again and kill themselves or--god forbid--innocent victims.

Until then, please, will all news and quasi news agencies please Shut the Hilton Up!

Sopranos Swan Song, An Aria

HBO: The Sopranos: Episode Guide: Summary: Season 6: Episode 86

"Try to remember the times that were good." AJ Soprano

Will everybody please stop bitching about the Sopranos finale! It was perfect. David Chase gave us exactly what we paid for: da family, da crew, familiarity, tension, suspense, riveting entertainment. And if not closure, then release.

Is there anyone who didn't gasp with surprise, fill with impotent fury and want to put out a hit on whoever screwed up and sent the show to black at the most critical moment?

For my money, the best Gotcha of The Sopranos, or any series.

And when you finally got it, did you Really get it?

We did. My husband sat, shaking his head in disbelief, "Sonovabitch." I yelled, "Yes! Freakin brilliant!"

After all the fun we had speculating, David Chase gave us the ultimate gift: the opportunity to come up with our own ending. He wrapped up a few loose ends -- Tony sees Junior, Paulie's not a rat, Phil bites it bigtime, Tony will get indicted. The four Sopranos are still a family.

Then Chase set the scene for anything to happen. Nothing out of the ordinary -- just Christafah da Cat, scratching at the superstitious beast in all of us. Which is the way it's been from the beginning.

Business as usual. Until it's not.

In the finale, some bad guys bought it, some didn't. Some will go to jail, some won't. The FBI isn't a fairy-tale-perfect organization. Mobsters are monsters who live everyday lives, regardless of--and mostly oblivious to--their heinous behavior. Probably more true to life than we know.

Anyway, what ending did you expect, a Quentin Tarantino bloodbath? A David Lynch slow-mo dream sequence? A Francis Ford Coppola neatly crafted reality lesson?

Nope, Chase remained true to himself, his show and its viewers. He gave us the characters and the story, then let us figure it out.

My take on the ending is the same as my view since the beginning: No matter what, the five Sopranos (including Janice) are survivors.

Sopranos Swan Song

HBO: The Sopranos

"Plain and simple, it's over. We decapitate and we do business with whatever's left." Phil Leotardo

David Chase runs his show the way Tony Soprano runs his life. Autocratically. Close to the vest. Loyal to no one. Paternalistic but implacable. Paranoid for good reason: everybody wants a piece of him.

The supporting cast members never know if they'll make it to the next episode. According to some--who are only permitted to speak publicly after their characters have been killed--Chase actually comes to their homes to deliver the bad news.

If you're a 'Sopranos' cast member and David Chase invites himself over for coffee and a chat, no fancy Danish is going to save you. Steve Schirripa, who had been hoping that Bobby Bacala would make it to the finale, explains how it went down. As he told the NY Post, Chase was sitting at his kitchen table when he finally said: " 'I guess you know why I'm here.' It was like a friggin' hit."

Even the top stars don't know their character's fate until absolutely necessary.

"We all read the scripts with the same trepidation. Am I going to make through the end of this one?" - Edie Falco

So it's no surprise Sopranos aficionados--and even casual watchers--are avidly awaiting the series' final show. Who will die? Who will sell out? Who will go into witness protection? Who will survive?

Pundits, reviewers, anybody with a public venue and everybody with pulse are collectively going crazy with speculation. Predictions range from the ridiculous to the sublime:

Tony kills everybody and lives. He dies alone. He goes into witness protection. He ends up working at Home Depot. Here's my favorite: Tony finally gets Dr. Melphi into bed and is killed on top of her, pinning her beneath him as the final scene fades to black....

Carmela runs away to Italy with Furio. Carmela dies by Tony's side. Carmela pulls smarmy Father Whatisname out of the priesthood and into her arms. Carmela goes into witness protection with Tony.

A.J. sells Tony out. A.J. goes on a rampage and kills his father's adversaries. A.J. kills Tony. A.J. throws himself in front of his mother/father/sister and dies.

Meadow takes over the family. Meadow walks away untouched to live a civilian life. Meadow gets killed.

Janice kills the New York wiseguys and takes over both families. Hmm, that one holds out the most possibilities for a new show.

Judging from the plethora of news stories, articles, blogs and interviews, there's never been such intense attention paid to a TV show finale. Ever.

Yeah, yeah, we all wondered how they'd end Seinfeld. And if you recall, most people were disappointed.

This is different. We're talking about Tony Soprano, America's Don. (It's hard to imagine how Jimmy Gandolfini will manage to find roles after literally inhabiting Tony all these years.)

Why do we care so much? Why has The Sopranos generated such controversy? So much heat and light? Such frenzied attention?

I must respectfully disagree with the many, many intellectual treatises and self-conscious interpretations of The Sopranos as a Morality Play on Violence.

I don't want to read one more rationale that the show depicts Good vs Evil vs Murder Makes You Feel Good, our Skewed Moral Compass, Immorality Worship and ...wait for it... the War in Iraq, for cryin out loud!

I'm even more fed up with every comparison of Tony to Michael Corleone, George W. Bush, even Hitler and Osama bin Laden, for God's sake!

Everybody's got a Serious Opinion on the show's Deep Inner Meaning to its viewers. Wanna hear mine? Fuggedaboudit.

The Sopranos is just damn good entertainment. It takes us out of our heads and lives and into another--fictional--world.

Its seems so real because the acting is superb, the characters are engaging, creepy, sympathetic, sexy, frightening, as recognizable as neighbors and/or our own thoughts. The plots are intelligent and ingenious, the pace varied, the outcomes always, always unpredictable.

My husband just came home with the latest rumor: David Chase has filmed not one, but THREE finales ... three different endings. And nobody but Chase knows which one will air.

If that's true--even if it's not--Bada Bing, Baby!

Grey's Anatomy McFiring

ABC

"I am not optimistic, I am not full of hope. I am sure. I am steady. And I know that I'm a heart man. I take them apart, I put them back together, I hold them in my hands. I am a heart man. So of this, I am sure. You are my partner, my lover, my very best friend. My heart beats for you. And on this day, the day of our wedding, I promise you this: I promise you to lay my heart in the palm of your hands. I promise you me." Dr. Preston Burke

So, about Grey's Anatomy ... I admit I'm a huge McFan. And I'm not happy with the decision to jettison actor Isaiah Washington and thus his fascinating character, Dr. Preston Burke.

Yes, Washington made some ugly, anti-gay remarks and sparked disagreements with other cast members. Then he apologized to all the right people, did the obligatory atonement dance--including counseling and a GLAAD Public Service Announcement--and was granted forgiveness. All months ago.

So NOW they fire him? What hypocrites. If Washington so egregiously offended their PC sensibilities, why didn't they cut him loose immediately?

Well, hey, they had episodes already in the can, a dramatic season finale already planned. His character was needed for several plot lines. Oh, puh-lease. Either they have convictions or not. Nobody's irreplaceable.

Actors have been known to die while a show's in production (Nancy Marchand on The Sopranos, Richard Crenna on Judging Amy, to name two greats). Producers and writers deal with such unfortunate timing and adjust their storylines on the fly. That's entertainment, baby. The show must go on.

Now Grey's Anatomy will go on without Preston Burke. That's a big Mcstake.

Isaiah Washington's known as a temperamental loose cannon. His Dr. Burke has been framed as a controversial figure too, with his confrontational, in-your-face style. His loving, nurturing inner self. His ambitious, obsessive, controlling personality. And his strong friendship ethic -- as long as it doesn't intrude on him or his ruthless career path.

Burke represents the ultimate soap opera persona in all its squirmy duality--heroic villain or villainous hero--portrayed with pitch perfect intensity by Washington. A character you love to hate ... and hate to love. Which bleeds nicely into the way many viewers feel about the actor himself.

So why not grab that tension and use it to re energize the show, recreate some more lightening in a bottle. Frankly, the show has lost its once snappy sizzle.

Shonda Rhimes et al should keep Washington and capitalize on the notoriety and controversy. In fact, they've been handed a golden opportunity to retool a big chunk of the show's dynamic.

If they were smart, they'd get rid of the annoying, unrealistic George&Izzie love story line, and have George come out of the McCloset.

Think how many real points they'd make with the Gay and Lesbian community (not to mention the rest of us). T.R. Knight, the actor who plays George is in fact gay. He was the focus of the Washington controversy. Which is when--and some say why--he came out during that time.

All its devoted fans agree Grey's Anatomy needs some shaking up. Almost all of us think the George and Izzie affair is not only unbelievable, but well, boring. Not because Knight is gay. Because the two actors have no chemistry together. (Actually, the only real chemistry--or genuine emotion--we've ever seen from George came during his interactions with his family.)

If there's one thing Isaiah Washington's Dr. Preston Burke has in abundant supply, it's chemistry. With anybody. Too bad the show caved to ABC/Disney Right Wingnut pressure instead of cooking up some more volcanic Burke storylines.

Oh by the way, can somebody tell me why Mare Whittingham's character was so abruptly killed off? All the G'sA kids could learn a thing or two backstage from such an experienced, polished actress. Not to mention the potential for the show to give us so many more juicy Meredith-Stepmom-Dad moments.

And I have one last suggestion: roll the storyline back just far enough to make Dr. Baily Chief Resident -- most of us thought that was her job already.

Seriously.

House Cleaning - Salon Missed Some Spots

FOX Broadcasting Company: House

"Given the truly impressive tightrope walk that "House" pulls off on a weekly basis, I was shocked at how bad last week's season finale was." Heather Havrilesky, I Like to Watch, Salon.com

Everybody's complaining about the "House" season finale. Too tame. Too lame. Not enough game. Hello? Am I the only one who got it? The "House" finale was inspired counter-programming, an alternate view of the show's usual frenzied dynamic.

Think about it.

Most TV show season finales follow the time-honored formula of outrageous, shocking, over the top content.

But that's the "House" formula every week. So their finale gave us the opposite -- contained, ultraviolet subtlety.

The overblown rescue at sea at the top of the show was a set up. It reminded us there are absurd theatrics ... and then there's real drama. Most of all, of course, there's thought-provoking entertainment. Example: "House."

Before the second commercial, the episode had morphed into an examination less of the patient's maladies than of the doctors' psyches. Their complex motives. Their overwhelming sense of isolation.

The focus shifted from medical to personal confusion. From blood tests and CT scans to individual and collective introspection.

Quite a change from the typical manic "House" episode. Although the elements were still there -- the life-threatened patient, the bewildered, demanding spouse. The doctors' antisocial interaction, aggressive confrontation, fierce competition and raw, self-aggrandizing ambition. Not to mention the mile-a-minute medical missteps and mishaps.

Reviewer Havrilesky, regardless of her several goofs (more on that in a minute), made a bulls eye reference to "House" as a medical "CSI." The nonstop multiple cliffhangers provoke a similar roller coaster of emotional, visual, psychological and visceral responses.

I bet I'm not the only one who finds commercial interruptions a welcome respite from the show's frenetic pace. From the blood, guts, vomit and gore. The unrelenting angst, anger, frustration. The constant fear, pain, peril. The overall sensation of impending doom, loss, separation... death.

But. That's. The. Point.

"House" appeals to the Dark Side in all of us. We root for a megalomaniacal misogynist. An arrogant know-it-all. A sneak, a liar, a cheat. The villain. The vilifier. The angry lost soul.

On "House" the bad guys are the protagonists, the heroes. Okay, anti-heroes. It's pure genius.

And the good guys--righteous ethicist, warm nurturer, loving friend, friendly lover--are the antagonists. Cameron the conscience, Wilson the voice of reason, Cuddy the reality check. And Chase, straddling both sides, pretty but damaged.

They may represent the higher moral ground, but in the end, they're losers. We don't respect them. We want them to get a clue. Get stepped on. Smacked, even.

Cameron especially tries my patience. Beyond goody-goody, she's Jimminy Cricket on steroids. So one has to wonder, why did Dr. House hire her?

Ah, that's the show's homage to House's better self. House needs someone with a five-speed conscience to keep him in the game. He needs the yin and yang, the morality duels, the humanizing push-pulls ... and so do we. Together, Cameron, Cuddy and Wilson prevent the delicate balance of scoundrel-as-protagonist from tipping too far against House.

Much like Tony Soprano, House is the guy we love to hate, are dying to understand, fear but crave. He's unrelentingly cruel. Until he's not. Almost psychotically selfish. Until he isn't. A hunky scuzzbag with a cane and a Harley. The ultimate, irresistible bad boy.

Not the best boss, friend, or love interest in the world.

So it's no surprise House is unable to prevent Foreman, his most formidable asset--and opponent--from rejecting him by quitting. Caught in a human trap, House chews off his own paw by cutting the amiable but deceitful suck-up Chase loose. Inevitably, the steadfastly neurotic Cameron feels compelled to flee.

Maybe they're gone, maybe not. We've been given the summer to contemplate their value, not only to us, but to House. And his to them.

And then there's the guitar. A mystery wrapped in an enigma? No, just an artful metaphor--about courage and heart songs--which Havrilesky completely missed.

Wilson goads House about his dislike--dread, really--of change, his inability to grow, to join the human race as a real adult, using the guitar House has hung onto since Junior High as example. As X-ray. MRI. Scalpel.

Over the course of the hour, House gets it. The guitar is House. We get it. House is the guitar. Or, maybe, as we'll all get to ponder until next season: sometimes a guitar is just a guitar?

Regardless, how can Havrilesky or anyone else fail to understand that House bought the new guitar himself? He's apparently lost his entire team. Perhaps even his confidence, his mojo? So he takes the first step ... a shiny new instrument of self expression.

The icing on the cake of an episode called "Human Error" but could have been entitled, "Everybody Grow Up."

One last comment about the most obvious goof in Havrilesky's piece. She mistakenly places "House" in Seattle. Which tells me she (and Salon's editors!) are obsessed with another phantasmagoric medical drama.

Maybe we should start calling Dr. House 'McCranky'?

Not So Rosie

the right one (<- click link to play)

"I always think: Go big or go home." Rosie O'Donnell

Rosie O'Donnell is one of those entertainers who takes no prisoners. And in the process, it looks like she's become her own captive. At least for now.

I don't watch The View. Have never seen it. Don't care to. Don't need to. Ms O'Donnell's frequent public--and sometimes private--imbroglios are well covered by the news media and the Internet.

I never watched The Rosie O'Donnell Show in the 90's either. Although I recognized her appeal and had some personal contact promoting the popular show online during AOL's glory days of Internet dominance before blogs, news and entertainment web sites took over.

It's clear Rosie's easy, breezy, tough-but-vulnerable persona transcends typical boundaries and connects with audiences of all ages, interests and persuasions.

Rosie is bold, brash, brazen and ballsy. She's pretty brainy too. Her commitment to causes supporting children in foster care, 911 first responders, Iraqi war vets, anti-war and anti-Bush is why I'm not alone in my willingness to overlook her often vulgar comedy style in favor of her obvious real life substance.

But. No matter her many laudable qualities, the woman annoys the hell out of me. It's as if she deliberately goes overboard to move the needle past Offensive into just plain Stoopid. Sophomoric. Dumb.

Watch the video above from her blog and tell me it's not off the Idiot scale. Then somebody tell me why an intelligent, funny, savvy entertainer would go to such lengths for cheap laughs when she's talented enough to get the real thing.

I frankly don't know how I feel about her remarks at the Matrix Awards luncheon as shown on Fox TV. I certainly don't agree with Bill O'Reilly's smarmy allusion to Rosie's lesbianism and his assertion that "the woman can't control herself on any level."

Donna Dees, founder of the Million Mom March rightly tells O'Reilly that any woman who's worked in media has heard the f-word and many other vulgarities. And that the high school girls everyone's worried about weren't damaged by Rosie's off-color humor. Go find a teenager who'd be shocked by Rosie or anyone else in this day and age.

But that's not the point. Blue, rude humor makes me laugh too when it's well placed. It's the fact that Rosie allowed herself to be suckered by a sleazy wheeler-dealer and lowered herself to his level by engaging with him at all, much less with cheesy vulgarity.

Donald Trump is dumb like a fox and Rosie is truly dumb for helping him promote his boring TV show at the expense of her credibility and deserved gravitas. He needs the publicity, good or bad. She doesn't.

She's got it now ... almost all bad. Maybe that was her goal all along. And for the life of me, I just can't figure out why.

Studio 60 - Entertainment Plus

NBC.com - Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip

"Does Aaron Sorkin's "Studio 60" tackle the self-perpetuating mediocrity of the TV industry, or romanticize the self-importance of overpaid jackasses?" Heather Havrilesky

Well. Okay. Apparently I was so busy enjoying Aaron Sorkin's latest TV show I missed the deeper socioeconomic issues it raises. Or hey, maybe Ms. Havrilesky, usually a solid, thoughtful reviewer needs to step back, sit down and just enjoy.

Why trample on a vastly entertaining, sharp, literate, nearly pitch perfect new show with over analytical psychobabble?

So what if Studio 60 reflects the over inflated egomaniacal self-important hubris of virtually everyone involved in commercial television ... that's what makes it so much fun.

It's also the touchstone of Aaron Sorkin's standout brilliance. His singular writing is so passionate and intelligent and witty, it sucks us--heart and soul--into his world with brio and gusto. He did it for the political arena with The West Wing.

Now with Studio 60, Sorkin tackles high stakes television. He takes us behind the velvet rope, makes us privileged insiders. We root for the 'good guys,' loathe the 'bad guys,' make fun of the 'losers,' cheer the 'winners,' share the thrill of their victories and feel the agony of their defeats.

Who cares if nobody talks or acts that glib and gutsy and slick and funny in real life? If only more people in television did. We get enough bumbling, mind-numbing reality in our own lives as it is. You want idiotic over-hype in the supposedly "serious" side of television, tune in to the Katie Couric circus, also known as the CBS Evening News.

You want superior, self-confident, robust diversion on the entertainment side, tune in to Studio 60 On the Sunset Strip. For one hour each week, we're not stay-at-home moms, cubicle geeks, white collar drones, plumbers, waiters, lawyers ... or even brain surgeons. We're flies on the walls surrounding the sexiest business on the planet. We're in show biz, baby.

Here's a short list of what I want/don't want in a TV show:

Engage and entertain me.

Don't insult my intelligence.

Make me laugh. And think. And care.

Don't bore me with stupid dialogue and even stupider people.

Give me characters and situations that, though larger that life, reflect today's reality and take a stand.

Don't irritate, annoy or belittle me with schlock.

Suck me in. Keep me on board. Make me want more.

Aaron Sorkin meets my criteria and then some. He may be an acquired, cultivated taste, but to my mind Sorkin--and the shows he presents--are downright delicious.

Mickey Mouse Media

"The very concept of objective truth is fading out of the world. Lies will pass into history." George Orwell

There's been a lot a gabbing about the garbage offered up Sunday and Monday night by ABC and Disney. As far as I'm concerned, they're just the worst media offenders, not the only ones.

Yes, through an insulting and blatantly inaccurate portrayal of supposed events leading up to the terror attacks, they used "The Path to 9/11" to shift focus away from the Bush administration's culpability and responsibility. And attempted to place all the blame on the democrats and President Clinton.

Yes, the radical right wing definitely didn't want us to spend a day of commemoration and national mourning remembering how badly they themselves screwed up. And continue to do so.

And yes, ABC and Disney helped their conservative republican pals try to change the subject.

But where was the rest of the media on the 5th anniversary of 9/11? Involved in a collective orgy of self-conscious patriotism that translated into non-coverage of a momentous event. So much talking, so little said.

There was the inevitable self-congratulation, as the networks brought out their big guns to recount their own feelings and experiences. Even local stations got in the act. Our own Channel 3 anchor Larry Mendte came to us live and suitably grave from Ground Zero. Local, national and international media must have been juggling for space like crazy around the site.

CNN gave us their original footage as broadcast 9/11/01. As if we needed to relive the agony and despair of that horrible day. At least CSpan covered the entire memorial service for the families at Ground Zero, including the full four hour reading of the names of those who perished.

As far as I'm concerned, that reading was incomplete. It should have included the names of every soldier and civilian killed since George W. Bush used the 9/11 attacks as a bogus excuse to take us to war in Iraq. And someone in the media should have said so.

Anniversaries are arbitrary, artificial milestones. Yet Americans seem to revel in them. And especially when they commemorate events of wanton death and destruction, media coverage should at least offer some meaning. Strive for a greater measure of understanding. Provide a degree of perspective.

So where was the review of all that's transpired in the five years since September 11, 2001? And all that hasn't? Where were the questions about the still empty hole at Ground Zero, the continuing terrorist threats, our government's inability to find and capture Osama Bin Laden or the travesty of the war in Iraq? Where, indeed was the outrage?

For all that the Bush administration and its conservative apologists bleat endlessly about the "liberal media" undercutting and devaluing their efforts -- where was that media yesterday? Showing carefully orchestrated photo ops of George and Laura Bush having breakfast with New York firefighters near Ground Zero. Saluting the crowd at the Pentagon. Hugging survivors in Shanksville. Placing wreaths at all three locations.

What hooey. Made all the more egregious by the president's politically self-serving address to the nation, again equating 9/11 with the war in Iraq.

The 9/11 Commission has catalogued and published the grievous errors and lack of action by the federal government since the terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center. The media has covered the commission's report from every angle save one -- where the real responsibility lies.

On the 5th anniversary of 9/11, the media should focus on the victims and their families ... and on the Big Questions about our future. The last thing they should do is allow the Bush administration to use their cameras to politicize the tragedy while evading public scrutiny and accountability.

But the 21st century media unaccountably continues to let pomp and circumstance trample all over real journalism ... showing us that the elephant can stomp on the mouse.

9/11 - The Documentary

911 Memorial, cbs.com

"We hope that hearing the stories of these brave men and how they have struggled to deal with that day will inspire other survivors to carry on." Jules and Gedeon Naudet and James Hanlon, 9/11 documentary filmmakers, participants in history

On the eve of the 5th Anniversary of 9/11, the Big Three television networks gave us Something to Talk About. But only CBS had something truly meaningful to say.

At our house, we had no interest in ABC's Clinton-bashing paean to ultra-conservatism, The Path to 9/11. And we hadn't checked the listings to find alternatives. We didn't know CBS was again airing the extraordinary award-winning real life documentary 9/11.

So we tuned in to the football game of the week, if not month, if not history. NBC had gotten Sunday football back and opened with a sure-fire winner: Manning VS Manning. Two brothers--Eli and Peyton Manning--on different NFL teams would be facing each other as opposing quarterbacks for the first time in recorded memory.

It might have been a hellova game. But we didn't see it.

During a commercial, our son flipped around, came to CBS and whew, instant irony: two other brothers caught in a dramatic situation. But so dramatically different it made your blood freeze. Jules and Gedeon Naudet--French filmmakers who were making a documentary about a probie firefighter for Engine 7, Ladder 1, FDNY--had their cameras rolling on 9/11/01. And took us with them on their chilling journey.

We'd seen it before when it was aired 6 months after 9/11 and again on the one year anniversary. But still we sat there, silent, barely breathing, reliving the greatest tragedy of the century.

If you don't know about 9/11, A Portrait of Heroism, you should. If you haven't seen it, you must. It's a stunning inside account, on film and in person of what happened in and around the World Trade Center that horrible day. It was filmed live and in real time inside the Engine 7 firehouse, inside the lobby of Tower 1, around the buildings as they fell and throughout the surrounding streets.

One of the filmmakers, Jules, captured the only known live video of the first plane striking Tower 1. The firefighters of Engine 7 were among the first to arrive on the scene. Jules remained inside Tower 1 at the FDNY command post, filming, until Tower 2 collapsed. Then he provided light from his camera to help all the firefighters still in Tower 1 make their desperate escape to safety.

Many of the documentary's scenes are ghastly. The area around the Towers resembles a nuclear winter ... ash, debris, papers, unimaginable flotsam swirling through the air, coating everything and everyone. Confusion, disbelief, helplessness, terror. And death.

The filmmakers tell us they saw no purpose in adding more gruesome images to our collective horror by showing the worst of the worst ... what one stricken firefighter describes this way: "It was raining bodies."

But with the camera rolling inside the lobby of Tower 1, every few seconds you hear a sickening crash and watch the firefighters flinch as another body hits the ground. One stunned firefighter said, "It's impossible to imagine what was so bad up there that the best alternative was to jump."

Of course the film doesn't focus on death, it simply captures the reality of our national nightmare that day and the days to follow. We see the living as they flee, help each other, mourn together, strive to bring order to such overwhelming chaos.

We watch as firefighters, police and construction workers drive themselves for days, weeks--what would become months--in twelve-hour shifts, digging through enormous piles of rubble and debris, searching for lives to save. And inevitably, searching for bodies to recover.

Throughout the film, individual firefighters--and the filmmakers themselves--share their feelings and experiences with us. They fight back tears. Or they cry. They show us their anger. And their pain. They are stunningly candid. Interviewed 3 years later, one said (as best as I recall), "It was either the army or the fire department. I didn't want to take lives, I'd rather save them, so it was the FDNY for me. Now, I'm not so sure. If I could, I'd kill the people who did this."

It's so important to honor those who perished. But it's equally important to remember that though almost 3000 ordinary and extraordinary people lost their lives on 9/11, more than 20,000 people in the Twin Towers survived. In the film we see many of them being led to safety by brave firefighters and police.

Five years later, the survivors still deal daily with the horror they witnessed, and lived through. They mourn their loved ones and comrades. And they ask, over and over, Why me? Why was I spared?

There's no answer to that question. But there's enormous understanding to be gained from hearing their stories and watching the real life story of the horror and heroism of 9/11.

And incredibly, the filmmakers and the firefighters of Engine 7, Ladder 1, FDNY are, to a man, alive to tell the tale.

You can meet them here.

K-K-K-Katie B-B-B-Blew It

White House Photo

"I'm really grateful. Thank you. Thank you." Katie Couric to George W. Bush

Well. That quote up there should be turned around. President Bush should be thanking Katie Couric for allowing him to present an unedited self-serving version of his presidency to the American public. For free.

If you watched her interview with President Bush Wednesday, you have to ask yourself, was that news? Or was Couric used?

I'd say the latter. Famous for her interview "gets," Couric managed to snag an exclusive with the president on night two of her historic solo news anchor stint.

But was it really a "get" or did the savvy Bush propaganda team take advantage of Couric's fame to get the president's message out to a huge audience?

Katie Couric started her TV career as a serious journalist with solid news creds. Then she traded much of her gravitas for the golden apple of The Today Show. Now, not 15 minutes, but 15 years of fame later, she's become a serious journalist again as anchor of The CBS Evening News.

Or has she? And is Couric really managing CBS news, or is the White House?

Let's be clear, I don't have anything against Katie Couric. I admire her abilities and ambition. She's got brains, spirit, character and appeal to spare. But of all the candidates to replace Bob Schieffer--as if he needed to be replaced--why not one of a dozen or more seasoned journalists?

If it was time for a woman, why not Andrea Mitchell, for example, arguably the best, most qualified female journalist on television?

We know why. Couric's got mega star power. America's in love with Katie, from her colon to her kids to her colorful chic. She's a bona fide celebrity and CBS is wisely hoping to cash in on her fame.

Barbara Walters blazed the trail for women in the top spot on TV news. But she was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Thanks to a misogynistic, ill-mannered Harry Reasoner and a bunch of ultra-conservative suits at ABC, she never got a real chance to prove her mettle. And was forced to create her own female-centric niche.

So here in the 21st Century, Couric is now positioned to take up the gauntlet. And circling back around to her interview with President Bush, she dropped it with a resounding thud.

Katie Couric made me cringe even more than Barbara usually does with her obsequious, gushing pandering to the beleaguered leader of the free world. She seemed so thrilled with her "get" she forgot to do her job... get some real answers.

Read the full interview transcript and see how many hard questions Couric asked the president. Virtually none. How many tough follow-ups. Literally none.

The interview might as well have been a White House infomercial. No questions about the president's dismal poll numbers. No questions about the Democrats' push to gain control of Congress in the critical November elections. Clearly the White House vetted the questions, or at the least, put the kibosh on certain touchy subjects.

Couric's questions on 9/11, terrorism, Abu Gahrib, the war in Iraq, the Middle East were softballs. And she let the president circle the bases at length without once challenging his rambling answers.

Here's one example that made my blood boil.

COURIC: They're gonna kill me for this follow-up, but if you – if you believe diplomacy is the first option, some might question why we're not having more unilateral talks with our enemies, say, Syria, Iran, North Korea.

BUSH: Yeah. The reason why is because you want to have there – you want there to be effective diplomacy. Diplomacy for the sake of diplomacy doesn't achieve objectives. I – my diplomacy, our diplomatic efforts, ably led by Condi Rice, I might add, are aimed at achieving objectives. And the objective with Iran is we want the Iranians to understand it's not just America who objects. The world objects to the idea of the Iranians having the knowledge and/or having a nuclear weapon.

And so it's a – you know, the ideo– you know, somebody saying, "Well, if you just would sit down to … "look, we've tried that, and it didn't work with North Korea. It failed. And so the American people need to expect the president to do things that will be effective and to achieve certain results. And it – unfortunately– diplomacy takes – requires a certain degree of patience. Obviously it's not gonna happen overnight. And – I – I am a – I am – I am convinced that we can achieve objectives through – diplomacy. And I certainly hope so, and we'll work that way.

A non-answer answer if ever there was one. And did Couric follow up? No. She threw him a non-question question that started like this:

COURIC: I know you care so much about the soldiers in Iraq.

Jeez, Katie. Those soldiers are dying, horribly. Our country's in grave danger from terrorists supported by Syria and Iran, and from the nuclear threat posed by North Korea. But you didn't see fit to go there?

Notice that photo above, displayed by cbsnews.com on each page of the interview. The only photo CBS--a monolithic, supposedly independent news organization--was able to provide of the Bush interview came from a White House photographer.

The Bush administration and conservative Republicans like to whine about the "liberal media" bashing Bush. Obviously, they don't have to worry about Katie. Or, apparently, CBS News.