Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Ugly Philly

"It is better to be beautiful than to be good, but it is better to be good than to be ugly." Oscar Wilde

Yo! Who youse callin ugly? You dissin da city of Brudderly Love? Faggedaboudit.

So maybe we talk ugly and maybe our teams play ugly, but most of us aren't that bad looking. Well, wait. We were named one of the Fattest Cities in the country again this year.

But still, where does Travel and Leisure get off calling us the least attractive city in the country?

No surprise, they figured it out on the Internet. Um. Let me get this straight. A bunch of fat, ugly people with little to do but take online surveys made this decision? Oookay. Not what I'd call a reliable source group.

T & L claim 60,000 people voted randomly over a couple of months. They didn't bother checking duplicate votes. Spammers. Or the versimilitude of voter credentials.

All of which means T & L has come up with a really, really statistically accurate survey. NOT.

In one area, Philly got a bum rap. Sort of. At least when it comes to tourists. We're ranked third from last for Safety, behind such crime-free meccas as Las Vegas, Chicago, New York, DC and Miami.

Hey, tourists aren't in danger in Philly. Our residents are.

We move higher up on the T & L list when it comes to Peace and Quiet. There you go. Tourists who stay out of unsafe neighborhoods aren't bothered by the sound of gunfire. They've just read about our obscenely high murder count.

Good looks are subjective under the best of circumstances. Are Philly residents some of the least attractive in the country? I don't think so.

On the other hand ...

There's nothing attractive about a kid killing somebody over a pair of sneakers. No beauty in an angry woman stabbing her abuser in public. It's not pretty when street gangs shoot up playgrounds. All of those things are beyond ugly.

So in the end--and much more important--what's really hideous about Philadelphia is our crime rate.

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