The Bush Name Game

"Nicknames are vulgar. Only common people use them." William Faulkner

George W. Bush, AKA Dubya, is the kind of good ole boy who likes to give nicknames, especially to the Top Dogs in his life and ours. Some are flattering, some ... eh, not so much.

Typically, nicknames are pet monikers indicating a certain intimacy between friends. Especially when they're derogatory, they're often more indicative of the namer than the namee.

There's a new database site containing unique profiles of the rich and famous, called NNDB that Philadelphia Inquirer Blogmeister Dan Rubin of Blinq found. It's got a special page--Dubya Nickname--letting us in on who the president calls what.

We all know about former FEMA director Michael Brown: Brownie. One can only wonder if Bush plans to change that, perhaps to Downie. Or maybe GetOuttaTownie. There are some nicknames he's given people I find a bit confusing. Maybe you can help. First up, friends and family:

George H.W. Bush: Poppy (No stretch there, but what does Dubya call Bar ... perhaps Mommie Dearest?)

Laura Bush: Bushie (Also her name for him. Blech, I don't even want to go there.)

Andrew Card, White House Chief of Staff: Tangent Man (Huh? Well, wait. Maybe because it's his job to bring Dubya back to earth when he wonders off onto meaningless tangents?)

Karen Hughes, top campaign aide and presidential advisor, recently put in charge of the Bush Spin Machine: High Prophet, The Enforcer, Hurricane Karen (I'm guessing he's dropped that last one recently...)

Larry Lindsey, Reagan, Bush and Bush economic advisor, Enron exec: Thunderbolt Lindsey (I don't know, I hear Thunderbolt, I hear Enron, the theme from The Godfather starts playing in my head.)

Mitch Daniels, current Republican Governor of Indiana, former Bush administration official: The Blade (He's a former major drug company exec too, but was busted for marijuana possession in 1970, so perhaps the name refers to um, Grass?)

Ann Veneman, US Secretary of Agriculture: Bullets (This one fascinates me. But I'm guessing that for a woman in the Bush administration, Bullets refers less to a reputation as a straight shooter and more to the probability she knows how to handle a gun.)

Karl Rove, White House Deputy Chief of Staff, senior political advisor: Boy Genius, Turd Blossom (Ookay. In Dubya's world, I guess Turd Blossom is a good thing, but it's sure nice to know we don't have to make up our own excellent nickname for Rove out here in the Real World.)

For those outside the Bush Inner Circle who could logically be seen as Dubya's enemies--or at least, detractors--it's a whole other ballgame:

Maureen Dowd, left-leaning New York Times columnist, author: Cobra (Icky, but no surprise. You can just hear Dubya hiss that one on a regular basis.)

Barney Frank, Democratic US Congressman, Massachusetts: Sabretooth (I had no idea tigers were gay, but I guess to Dubya, all gays represent fearsome beasts?)

Ted Kennedy, Democratic US Senator, Massachusetts: Senator (A synonym for cobra? If you think about it, you can hear Dubya sneer, "Senator" whenever referring to a member of the opposition party.

Vladimir Putin, President of Russia: Pootie-Poot (Do you suppose he calls Putin this to his face?? An excellent example of our president's fine grasp of detente and diplomacy.)

Tony Blair, UK Prime Minister: Landslide (Could be construed as a compliment to a popular fellow leader. Unless you see it as a ton of rocks rolling downhill destroying everything in its path. Another example of Dubya's stellar international relations technique.)

Barbara Boxer, Democratic US Senator, California: Ali
Dianne Feinstein, Democratic US Senator, California: Frazier (No surprise here. Just keep knockin' Dubya on his ass, ladies, that's all we ask.)

That'll do it for now. It's your turn to think of some.

One more thing. Though this may seem facetious and silly and rather pointless, it's not. It's yet another real life indication of the disconnect, and appalling lack of serious regard our president displays for those around him with the grave responsibility of governing--or impacting--our country.